Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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