I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
