D3 body, D1 cock
I didn't shave. On purpose
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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