mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
