why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
