bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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