I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
