I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
