My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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