an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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