So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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