We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
