Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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