i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
