Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You smell like a Billy Joel song
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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