noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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