Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
