I need help removing her.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize