You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
