Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
