My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
