My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
