Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
