I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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