I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
