Fuck appropriateness.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize