Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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