he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
