margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
