Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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