I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
