I wish my penis had an off switch
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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