This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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