Pappa wants mamma naked
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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