I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize