Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
