textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
