i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
