im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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