at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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