I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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