How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
