too bad you live with your parents still
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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