You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
