Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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