he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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