This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize