That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you had me at cake vodka
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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