Will you blow on my dice?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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