cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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