You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
