If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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