Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
