i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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