Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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