Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
