The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Less talking, more tequila
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
