new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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