I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are leaves in my underwear?
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