weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
