Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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