Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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