If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize