Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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