eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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