having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
