Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
