so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
