I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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