i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
