my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
