I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
FUCK WHALES
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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