just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
