I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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