Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize