careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
