That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
