As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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