I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
