Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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