She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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