You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize