high people should be assigned attendants
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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