im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my liver is dry heaving
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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