ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
