Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
