Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
