It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
