i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
as a side note pls kill me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
