how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
