im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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