who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it hurts more in the daytime
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is my gift to your gina
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
