i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
