does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
