HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
