you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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